How to Look Like a Celebrity at the Beach
1. Have a great body. Celebrities have smokin’ hot bodies. If you want to look like a celebrity at the beach, you need a celeb worthy beach body.
2. Hire a personal trainer. See tip #1. No one, not even celebrities, has a fabulous body without working at it.
3. If you’re a woman, have your plastic surgeon on speed dial. See tip #1 again. Women’s body types come in two basic natural styles: slim with no boobs and curvy with boobs. Given this fact, how did we end up with so many slim celebs with big boobs? Duh. Plastic surgeons, silicone, and liposuction.
4. Show off your body. What’s the point of having a great body if you can’t show it off? If you’re a woman wear a skimpy swimsuit. If you’re a man, wear your swimsuit low enough to make people think they may get a glimpse of your short and curlys.
5. Hire paparazzi, or enlist your friends, to follow you to the beach and take pictures of everything you do. Nothing screams celebrity like photographers swarming around you. Make sure to make it look authentic by trying to avoid the photographers you’ve hired to follow you.
6. Don’t go to the beach without an entourage. If you actually were a celebrity you would never go anywhere alone. How would people know you were famous?
7. Never go to the beach without full make-up. This includes men. People do not look that good without make-up. Even people with great bodies and good genes, i.e., celebrities. Make sure your make-up is waterproof if you don’t want to look like you’re melting by the end of the day.
8. Hire a stylist to select the beachwear that will flatter you and draw the most attention. No self-respecting celebrity would be caught dead picking out his or her own clothes.
9. Wear super sized sunglasses to give the illusion that you don’t want anyone to recognize you.
10. Surf. Everyone in southern California surfs and southern California is celebrity central.
Armed with this information, go forth with confidence. Enjoy the beach just like a celebrity. Or, you could just enjoy the beach.
To many joyful beach experiences!
— Lisa Dworkin